Original online dating headlines

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You know how annoying it is to fill out a job application and list all the info you have in the resume you brought? Let your profile be your resume, not your job application. The question is obviously asking what you do for a living and what your big goals in life are.

DO NOT write “I’ll fill this out later.” There is no later. Are you a teacher, bartender, sales clerk, mortician?

DO NOT message boring small talk and expect interesting responses. Pick something out of their profile that caught your eye, and I don’t mean her tits. Be upfront, don’t be crass or vulgar, and you’ll increase your chances of some dirty, filthy, perfect stranger sex.

We only get pissed when you lead us on with promises of a relationship when you’re only looking for sex.

If you don’t have any hobbies or interests, again, this is why you’re single. By the same token, don’t post five pictures of the exact same close up of your face. A profile that only lists your age range interest as 18–100 yo is creepy, not inviting. This will get you farther than anything on this list. You’re figuring out what you want to do and where your passions lie. If you don’t have one, then that solves the mystery as to why you’re single. That’s what those questions are doing — asking you. Are you working that 9–5 office job and writing your Stand By Me fan fiction screenplay at night? Did you sign up for this dating site while sitting at a red light? If you had time to create a profile and log in, then you have the time to fill out the profile, jackass. Online dating is not Amazon Prime with free two day shipping of a brand new girlfriend. You’re trying to make yourself look good, not lame. Say you love horror films and underwater archaeology, Civil War reenactments, and brewing your own bathtub mint juleps.

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