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Hot for him, because the feel of the knickers is sensual and filthy, and hot for me because oh holy shit I love the look of an erection in a tight pair of lacy panties.

There is nothing – repeat: nothing – that makes me feel more dominant than ordering a guy to fuck me with a strapon.

Floggers, even if wielded with a strong right arm and a bit of determination, don’t tend to hurt that hard.

As a cunning way to get around the ‘I don’t want to hurt him beyond what he likes’ scenario, and to introduce the kind of sexy chat that makes me very wet, I like to initiate the ‘pain scale’ game: Slapping is also delightfully fun, because it is an excellent excuse to touch all the sexy bits.

I love the look in a guy’s eyes when I can tease and hurt him in just the way he loves, and being able to conjure it gives me a deliciously warm kick in the cunt.

But as I build up to it, most of the things that flash through my mind are either ‘too dominant – he wouldn’t believe it was me doing them’ or ‘not dominant enough – it sounds like I’ve read this one in Cosmo.’ So when a lady emailed me asking ‘have you got any good ideas on how to dominate a man?

Then he does exactly what I want, exactly I want it.

Requires explicit consent, though, so how do you do this as a surprise? If your partner has any kind of submissive tendency, and if – like me – you’re enthusiastic yet clumsy when it comes to wielding a whip and calling someone a ‘filthy puppy’, at some point you may have heard the two most terrifying words in the English language: Surprises are hard enough when it comes to buying presents, but when it comes to sex they can range from disappointing to downright dangerous if you don’t quite get it right.While I’d always advocate ‘having a horny chat’ long before you don your Batman mask and start beating six shades of shit out of your partner, occasionally it just doesn’t work like that.What isn’t so frequently explained, though, is that you can order a guy to do exactly the same thing, with very similar effect.Bonus points if you can get him to undo his flies under the table while you’re having dinner.

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